My notes for MA paragraph
🌸..Hi everyone
..This is my notes for MA paragraph
:spanking children is not an effective solution*
.spanking not constitute a real deterrent to a child from repeating his mistakes*
.spanking cause depression inwardness for children*
........
:According to an articles*
http://edition.cnn.com/2014/07/23/health/effects-spanking-brain/
.The percentage of depression in children who had been beaten، from: http://www.aljazeera.net*
."article: "Hit children cause depression at adulthood🌷
:plan
Para1
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TS - : Spanking children does not constitute a real deterrent to a
child from repeating his mistakes and spanking cause depression inwardness for children
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E - According to studies that children who receive spanking often repeat mistakes
As well as the risk of serious depression over their lives by 59%.
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CS - spanking a major cause of repeating the mistake sand cause depression inwardness for children.
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: MA paragraph
Spanking children is not a solution because it does not constitute a real deterrent to a child from repeating his mistakes, According to studies that children who receive spanking often repeat mistakes because they have not benefited from the experience made by spanking , also spanking is a major cause of depressive and inwardness for children, according to studies published in the January issue of the journal "General Psychiatry records," The children who are physically abused have an increased risk of serious depression over their lives by 59%, So that Spanking children is an instrument of destruction not upbringing .
Great job Sahar! This is a very good MA paragraph and the point made is sound.
ReplyDeleteThe thing with this paragraph is the length of sentences. Your sentences are a bit long and usually linked by commas instead of dots which confuse the reader sometimes.
"Spanking children is not a solution because it does not constitute a real deterrent to a child from repeating his mistakes(.) According to studies that children who receive spanking often repeat mistakes because they have not benefited from the experience made by spanking(.) Also, spanking is a major cause of depressive and inwardness for children. According to studies published in the January issue of the journal "General Psychiatry records," The children who are physically abused have an increased risk of serious depression over their lives by 59%. (Therefore is better than so which is not commonly used in academic writing) So that Spanking children is an instrument of destruction not upbringing"